It is useful to have a sense of humour. You need to develop your own lines.  list some ideas but you must develop your own. Whenever someone says: “How are you?” as a greeting there is an expected answer of: “Good. Thanks.” But this breaks my rules of honesty or suggests a lengthy answer, so I reply: “I’m still breathing!” But you should develop your own. If they are humoured, I add: “And I woke up this morning and remembered my name.” If they are further humoured, I add: “One day, I may not!”

I dropped off a seventieth birthday group of seventy persons. They invited me in. I was chatting about my then latest book about relationships. A girl in her thirties, when walking past her husband, ran her fingers across his chest and shoulder. It was a reaffirmation of connection. When the two talked to each other he would make inane and pathetic humourous remarks that were entirely unfunny. But they would give a toothy grin to each other as a sign of excited togetherness. It is not unlike this image:

It is a means of communication and togetherness that predates the human form. Your ability to be humorous when necessary is useful. Avoid inane stupidity. Humour plays tricks in the brain. It takes one away from a current image and creates a new one, so it is diversionary from the straight and narrow logic of our neocortex. I have dug these up to get you warmed up. They all have a play on words or play tricks in the mind:

  • I broke my finger last week. Onn the other hand, I am okay.
  • I wondered why the ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • He is not fat, he is just easier to see.
  • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  • If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
  • A million sperm and I was the fastest?
  • Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  • I try to be unique, just like everyone else.
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • A dog is so smart, it trains a person to feed it.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money — if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
  • I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  • God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
  • Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
  • I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
  • I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • This is a time for firm decision making or maybe not.
  • Been there, done that and can’t remember most of it.


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